Finding joy when my body doesn't get a holiday

As the weather gets chilly across Aotearoa, we wanted to warm up D*List readers with some summer-themed content to brace ourselves for the winter months ahead. In this essay, Amelia Jacobson writes about embracing her body during summer.

I love summer, I believe I should have been a mermaid because my body feels far more at ease in the water than on land. I love summer, and look forward to it every year, and every summer I am hit with the same emotional reality. As society shifts into holiday mode, it makes it even more apparent that there is never a holiday from chronic illness.

Caring for our bodies can often feel like a full-time job with no annual leave. I spent the beginning of January in Auckland Hospital, six days with no fresh air or sunlight, and using most of my cognitive energy on medical admin and self-advocacy. This was not how I intended to begin 2024, and in the past, as soon as a got home, I would’ve pushed myself to get back to the world of the ‘living’. Instead, I’ve rested lots and accepted care from others, so that I can give my body time to recover and then reconnect with my usual rhythms. 

Shifting away from all or nothing, boom/bust patterns can be tricky, and I don’t want to give a false impression that it’s a simple change. Living more gently and aligned with my body has taken years, and how I approach summers is a big part of that. Reflecting on what is relaxing, nourishing and fun for me, rather than getting caught up in external able-bodied expectations of festival hopping or punishing exercise regimes.

With missing out on the typical early January holiday period when many people go away, I have ended up planning a little trip in mid-February with my close friends, staying at a bach on a beach that is familiar and accessible for me. This is a special place for me and my friend group, where we’ve spent multiple summers building memories together. It allows me to pace with plenty of rest, and there’s multiple fantastic swimming spots, so I can prioritise what feels good for my body.

I will take the opportunity to make the most of the slower pace of holiday mode, my friends often have more time and capacity when away from the grind, creating more ease for me to ask for support with practical things, which frees me up to participate more fully without risking a flare or injury. I also embrace being a passenger princess (or regent), I have come to the realisation that there is always someone who wants to be the driver, so now I just let them, and save my spoons.

This trip offers me a break away from my day-day and a sense of summer adventure, without abandoning a lot of the strategies that support me in managing my disability/chronic illness. I will have lots of electrolytes, sleep and fuel my body. And for the rest of summer, I will go daily to my local beach where I can park up right by the sand and relax into mermaid mode alongside the lovely middle-aged ladies, and probably come home for a nap afterwards.

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