What do neurodivergent people think about alcohol?

We don’t talk about it much, but alcohol is a big part of most people’s social lives, whether we want it that way or not. As disabled people, our relationship with alcohol can be more complicated for a whole bunch of reasons.

So let’s have the conversation. In this video series, we dive into ableist assumptions, those traumatic drink-driving ads, and how we feel about our relationships with alcohol.

Transcript:

Daylen: What's a yardie?

Sarah: So a yardie is kind of like a 21st birthday tradition here. Which is essentially, it's like this bulb and it's really tall and then it kind of goes out a bit at the top. It's kind of like this weird big vase. And you fill it full of drink and people drink it.

Daylen: I feel like maybe, maybe like the bigger question is like, should anyone be doing that at all?

Sarah: You know what? That's a good question.

Intro: If you’ve ever done a yardie or celebrated crate day, you’re probably familiar with our drinking culture here in Aotearoa. We don’t talk about it much, but alcohol is a big part of most people’s social lives, whether we want it that way or not. As disabled people, our relationship with alcohol can be more complicated for a whole bunch of reasons.

So let’s have the conversation. In this 4-part series, we dive into ableist assumptions, those traumatic drink-driving ads, and how we feel about our relationships with alcohol.

Welcome to Alcohol Week!

Sarah: Tell me about the first alcoholic drink you had.

Daylen: There was a kid that I went to elementary school with. So I would like go over to his house after school and his mom worked. It was just him and his mom, and his mom worked quite late. So it would be just like me and him hanging out there after school and yeah.

Sarah: Thanks, mom.

Daylen: Yeah. I remember it was like a white bottle with an elephant on it and it's like a cream liqueur. It was, yeah. Pretty gross, but definitely had an impact. Yeah. What about you?

Sarah: Probably like a shandy or a beer. I don't really like shandy. But shandy is like...It's like beer and lemonade.

Daylen: For kids.

Sarah: Yeah, for kids. But I was a bit like, give me a real beer. What will the adults do, you know? Yeah,

Daylen: And how old were you?

Sarah: Probably like 10 or 11. Yeah.

Daylen: Quite young as well. Yeah. Yeah, do you think that's like a normal age here for people to have their first drink?

Sarah: Oh, yeah, like probably 13 to 16.

Daylen: Yeah, yeah. So a little bit ahead of the curve. Have you ever pretended to like the taste of an alcoholic drink to seem more grown up?

Sarah: Probably like different wines. Despite working in a wine bar.

Daylen: Oh, so this is like now?

Sarah: Yeah, oh, 100%.

Daylen: Yeah, I think wine is probably the same. Like I am, like very early on, I was like, you know, taking…stealing sips of wine at like dinner parties for my parents and stuff. And being like, "Yeah, I love this. This is great." 100%.

Sarah: Do you think you'd win a game of beer pong against me?

Daylen: I mean, I'm pretty out of practice these days, but I used to be pretty good.

Sarah: Yeah, I'm shocking. I'm real bad.

Daylen: Are you?

Sarah: Yeah. Okay. Like immediately out every time.

Daylen: Yeah, I'd probably smash you, then.

Sarah: Yeah, 100%.

Sarah: Is a yardie accessible or ableist?

Daylen: What's a yardie?

Sarah: So a yardie is kind of like a 21st birthday tradition here. Which is essentially, it's like this bulb and it's really tall and then it kind of goes out a bit at the top. It's kind of like this weird big vase. And you fill it full of drink and people drink it. Like I didn't do it, but I know a lot of people that did. So is a yardie accessible or ableist? Uh, depends on your limbs. If you've got a limb difference. Yeah. It's going to be a bit harder to hold onto it, because it doesn't have handles or anything.

Daylen: I feel like maybe, maybe like the bigger question is like, should anyone be doing that at all?

Sarah: You know what? That's a good question.

Daylen: What's your favorite non-alcoholic drink on a night out?

Sarah: Like a lemon lime and bitters.

Daylen: It's a blue V for me.

Sarah: Oh, 100%.

Daylen: Sometimes I just bring a, bring a blue V in my pocket. Yeah. Sneak it into the bar.

Sarah: What day is crate day? Have you got any good crate day stories?

Daylen: I only have done one crate day because. It's a, it's a New Zealand thing. Yeah.

So I did it the first year that I came and then I got sober. So I haven't done it since. Yeah. I bought a crate and I sat in my partner, Erica's mom's house and drank it alone.

Sarah: A solo crate, if you may.

Daylen: Yeah. Yeah.

Sarah: So it's the first, I think it's the first day, first Saturday of December. Okay.

Daylen: So the first Saturday in the summer. Did your parents drink at home when you were growing up?

Sarah: Yes, they did. Yeah. Yeah, they did.

Daylen: A lot or?

Sarah: It's hard to know what's a lot.

Daylen: Right. You were a kid.

Sarah: More so my dad than my mom. Yeah. But yeah, I think it's like quite ingrained in New Zealand culture. Yeah. So I think that's a big aspect of it as well.

Daylen: My mom is from Germany. She moved to Canada when she was young and both of her parents drank quite a lot. And like to New Zealand in European culture, you know, in German and Czech culture. It's like huge. Yeah. So she was very much like kind of like, oh, you have to be careful. Don't drink too much. Your grandparents are alcoholics. Blah, blah, blah. Oh, wow. But then she would also have a glass of wine with dinner.

Sarah: 100%. Yeah.

Sarah: Do you feel like he would know what to do if someone around you was struggling with drinking?

Daylen: I think so. I mean, I like I, you know, I have my own issues with alcoholism and I've been sober now for like five years. So I think like when friends and stuff have like not known what they want to do, if they want to keep drinking, if they want to control their drinking more, go sober and stuff like that. Usually I have some lived experience advice that I can give.

Sarah: Do you find they tend to come to you as well?

Daylen: Yeah. And a lot of the time I like, like I've taken my friends, I've taken friends to Cads and stuff like that. Yeah. Like. For me, it worked really well. I know for some people it doesn't, and I mean, the other part of that is like you can't, like you can't make someone stop drinking. You can't make someone get sober. They have to do it themselves. You know?

Sarah: Like I've had friends that are either alcoholics or are sober. It's kind of like they're either at one end or the other end like in between working on it.

Daylen: When we first met, I was a hardcore alcoholic. Yeah. Because I was bringing cans to work. Not a very healthy work environment.

Sarah: Hey, we survived.

Daylen: Yeah. Yes.

Daylen: Have you ever had someone assume that you don't drink or make any other assumption about you and alcohol because of your disability?

Sarah: Not the don't drink, but the do drink to unmask. And I think people tend to realize that, I don't know, I think a lot of ADHD and autistic people, they'll drink and they'll feel normal. Yeah. Yeah. So I think that's definitely an aspect of it that, I don't know, you have to really think about and be wary of.

Daylen: When people find out what diagnoses and all of that, they more often assume that I'm to drink very heavily. Yeah. That's the automatic assumption, it's like, oh, you're going to get wasted. And once upon a time they would have been right. And I think 100% because of the disability as well, that definitely, it was a coping mechanism for a very long time. 100%. Yeah. In a way to learn how to socialize and stuff like that. Like drinking made it easier for me to socialize because I was like, I don't need to think so much about if what I'm saying is right or not. Yeah. You know? Have you ever known someone who's had a difficult relationship with alcohol?

Sarah: Well, we know each other. Yeah. It's always tended to be like chefs. Coping mechanisms for sure.

Daylen: Me. I know myself.

Sarah: Oh yeah?

Daylen: But also the same.

Daylen: There is definitely the component of chefing as a high stress job. But then I also wonder if it attracts a certain type of...

Sarah: Hospitality as a whole. 100%. Yeah. It definitely attracts a certain type. And like, did you make friends at CADs as well?

Daylen: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that's definitely part of it as well. And that's nice, you know. Having friends and these connections with other people that going through the same thing and trying to work through it as well.

Sarah: Do you ever see yourself at a drink limit on a night out?

Daylen: Yeah, none.

Sarah: Very responsible of you

Daylen: But I used to not set myself a drink limit. No. It was as long as I can get alcohol into my mouth. Yeah. Yeah. What about you?

Sarah: I don't either, really. Unless it's like, I'll just go for a couple. Right. Or if I'm driving or something like that. Yeah. Then definitely. But otherwise, not really.

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