Five ways I'm practising play this summer

This International Day of People with Disabilities, The D*List is embracing play, and what that means to us as disabled people. We called for community submissions on how people incorporate play in their lives. In this submission, Kiwikiwi Hawes shares five ways to practise play this summer.

This summer I'm gonna play by practising my reo Māori, having craft days with friends, planning community events, practising whaikōrero, walking along the beach, having sex with my boyfriend, and journalling. 

Some of these things are also how I plan to recharge because while they are playful, they're restorative in their own way. 

Being in nature 

Connecting with the whenua has always been grounding for me, especially in times where my mental health has dipped. It's good to remind myself and tell my body that we can experience being grounded when things are going smoothly too. It's also nice to move my body in a way and for a reason I want to. I don't have to push through the pain; I can go for as short, or as long, of a walk as I feel like. 

Māoritanga

Connecting with my Māoritanga enhances my mana and uplifts my taha wairua so much. It lets me better show up for my takatāpui community, which I am so passionate about. I connect by learning reo māori in community classes and in my own time, by giving mihi and singing waiata to our Mana Tipua manuhiri, by listening to stories about our tīpuna, and by saying karakia before kaupapa and having kai. All of these things involve some kind of performance, but they are a showcase of a glimpse into my inner world: self expression. I can explore my queerness within a te ao Māori lens and play around to figure out where I fit in regards to tikanga. I'm tinkering at the moment actually, preparing to do whaikōrero for my rōpū, as someone fluid in gender identity and expression, and gentle in nature. How I can remain authentically me, a jellyfish, amongst the vast number of kaikōrero sharks? 

This is also how I play with social norms and expectations within my own culture and whānau. I'm challenging the stereotypically tāne-filled role of kaikōrero with my glitter and skirts. I'm challenging my blood quantum-believing pākehā nana with my reo emerging from my fair skin. I am orchestrating the truest expression of myself. I'm playing my favourite instrument. 

Connecting with my body

My boyfriend's favourite thing to play with is me. Sex is a fun way to be vulnerable with them. We do it to feel good and have fun while being in the safety of each other's embrace. When trauma from sexual assault is in the room, as it with us, it feels empowering to bring sex as a concept back down to its basics. It allows us to slide away from the pressure of trying to have an orgasm, and instead focus on the here and now. 

Together, we can experiment to discover what touches, phrases, pressures, positions and toys we like. I like to watch him make eye contact with me and touch him in a way I know he loves and notice their eyelids drift to a close. I like to draw shapes with my tongue on his chest or when I swirl it between their thighs. Our mouths and fingers play a tune unique to us.

We demonstrate our love and care by listening to the other's needs and accommodating them. Play is not whole without safety. I find that for a T4T, AuDHD couple like us, communication around consent is even more important to get right, as we can often have fluctuating boundaries regarding our bodies. 

Journalling

Journalling is another type of play. It's an activity where I can explore my thoughts and feelings without judgement from outsiders. Where I don't have to pretend to be or feel anything else than I am -- where I can unpick the stitches of internalised ableism and vent about my struggles as a disabled person -- somewhere to keep those thoughts so I have more room for joy in my day to day life. 

Being with community 

Other ways I aim to recharge this summer are by having quality time with my best friend, simple existence alongside my boyfriend, and being vulnerable with myself and resting. 

My best friend works full-time and is also queer and disabled. His mahi, while he loves it, takes almost all of his spoons each day. With his mahi having a break over Christmas and New Year's, it will be nice for us to have more time for connection, instead of only watching a TV show with dinner together. We could go to local markets, go swimming, go op-shopping or take his family dog for a walk! 

I’m looking forward to recharge time with my boyfriend and role-playing living together, as we are long distance (I’m in Ōtautahi and they are in Pōneke). I'm looking forward to eating ice cream to recreate our first proper date, to having him lean on my shoulder as we watch Bluey with breakfast each morning, to slow dancing with them on the balcony of my house. I’m looking forward to enjoying the moments we have of love and connection before they get really busy with important mahi for therapy for the rest of the year. 

One of my favourite forms of play is with community. And that doesn’t necessarily mean with 30+ people. It often means me and other rangatahi takatāpui at Mana Tipua’s kaupapa, or me, my boyfriend and their whānau/friends or just me and my best friend chilling at home in our flat. I find purpose in love -- giving it in many forms to those in my communities. I’m particularly passionate about community care and love to help others engage in it by being a tuakana of sorts for the kaupapa: to model it for others. I do this by hosting people at my whare to come together as a collective and engage in crafts and whakawhanaungatanga with one another, having te reo body double sessions, and organising hang outs with me and my boyfriend’s friends. 

I think community means so much to me because I grew up isolated. I grew up in a borderline rural town on the West Coast where there are not very many BIPOC, openly queer, or visible disabled youth. A big driving force behind my moral compass in my adulthood is being the kind of person that little me would’ve wanted to have around. That’s why I love creating spaces for people to be their full selves so much.

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