Liberated by our limitations: John Landreth's voice is now clearer than it ever was

In 2025, John Landreth put his new voice out to the world in his debut EP, The Wall. The songs are about hope, renewal and the cycle of life, facing challenges head on and liberating oneself from the words of others. The work follows from a period of grief after acquiring his disability in 2018. Eda Tang shares a kōrero with John at the Roxy Cinema in Wellington. 

Eda: Kia ora e te iwi, it’s Eda from The D*List. Today we’re in Te Whanganui-a-Tara and we’re about to head off to the Roxy Cinema to meet actor and musician, John Landreth. He’s going to share with us what it’s like living and being an artist with a disability. Haramai!

John: Kia ora. My name is John Landreth. I'm presently living in Wellington, and I have done for a long time, but originally, I was from Dunedin, um grew up there. I have a degree in biochemistry. I taught at Otago Boys High School and Wellington College. I was a shearer, a scrub cutter. I've owned restaurants and bars. I'm an actor, I'm a singer, I'm a musician.

Eda: What are the kinds of stories that you like to tell through your artwork?

John: So I've gone through stages of grief and feelings of hopelessness. And I did a four-song EP. You know, one of the songs was called The Wall. Another song was called Weightless, and it's, you know, looking at life, and how you never know what's around the corner. And that's not just me, it's with everybody. You just never know what might happen and when it might happen, good or bad.

Eda: Did that message become clearer to you because of your disability?

John: Um, probably clearer. Well, it's funny, actually, I collaborated on the EP with a good friend of mine and someone you know, Nikita Tu-Bryant. We were talking one day, and I must have said something about my limitations and my voice in its volume and strength and what have you. And she responded, which we both like, with "we are liberated by our limitations", which I find really good.

So liberated by our limitations means that, you know, just because I can't walk or do a lot of what I used to be able to do, I can concentrate more on what I now believe is the real special element that I am able to share with people, and the true thing that brings me happiness, which is bringing joy to others and telling stories and being giving to others. And I find that that was what was a real gem to me before my accident, and certainly is now.

The first T shirt I got for me was "incomplet", so it didn't have the final E and I just wanted somebody to get the joke. So an incomplete tetraplegic is somebody that's spine hasn't been severed, or the spinal cord hasn't been severed. So it's been bruised or but it's still intact. And one day, I was visiting a friend in Wellington hospital, and clearly there was a doctor who was off-duty, and we were in the lift, and he looked down at me, and he said, "Love that t shirt." And it only took one to make the cost of the t shirt worthwhile.

Eda: So you are an actor on screen on TV.

John: Yup.

Eda: You know, aesthetics and body image and things were quite important as part of your brand . How do you negotiate those changes that happen to your body?

John: Yeah, that's something that I still struggle with, I guess, body dysmorphia. So there is a there's a feeling of, is it discomfort, or being uncomfortable sometimes when I'm out. You know, I don't like the fact that, you know, I have a belly, which I didn't before. There's muscle atrophy in your legs, things like that. But my friends have helped me a lot in that respect. They've said, "you know, John, we don't give a hoot what you look like. You're John Landreth to us, you're our friend. You always have been. And what's important to us is you know, your intelligence, your humour, your heart, and it always has been." So in that respect, they've been very helpful, and I understand that, because that's how I feel about other people, so it shouldn't be any different for me.

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Eda: Mm, yeah. What's been your experience of living in pain?

John: Phew it's gone from being something that I would consider a niggle to something that's been all encompassing or taking up my whole being, the only thing that I can think about, which is terrifying, because you're trapped in your own body, in paralysis for a start, but then you're trapped in paralysis in pain. So you can't move, you can't stretch, you can't relieve yourself in any respect of movement.

Um, for me, the pain got to a point where I had what they call a dissociative event, I think, where your mind wants to have a break from your body. I didn't know what a bed was, or [what] my bed was, I didn't know who I was. I forgot the name of my carer, so it was very frightening. I was able to actually ground myself using breathing techniques. What I've found since then is the ability to, I guess, live with pain by distraction. I mean, I'm in pain now talking to you, but when I talk to you and don't think about it, it's not that it's not there, but it's not at the forefront of my mind.

Being in pain, you know, you can use every excuse you have to say that that's okay. "I'm in pain. I'm in too much pain to go out." If I go out and I have an episode of really bad chronic pain, that's going to be terrible. It'll be terrible for my friends to see. I don't want them to go through that. I don't want to go through that. I'll be too far away from my bed. All these things cross your mind.

But what I've found is that if you make the effort to get out, and you do have caring friends like I do, you may still be in that pain, but when you come back home and you go to bed that night, you go, "what a great day. I went out. I had a barbecue with friends. I was still in pain, but I experienced this and that, and it's been a good day.” As opposed to going to bed going, "I wish I'd gone out and done something. All I've done is watch TV all day," if that makes sense.

Eda: Yes, it's very easy to make very essentialist assumptions about disabled people and that we absorb ourselves as well as like, "Oh are you in pain? Go home early or don't come to this if it's too much for you." But I think it's important that we have our own agency over the choices we make. And I know you're on a like, you're actively improving your well being as well. And I think I've, we've talked about this a bit, is like, trying to be healthy as someone disabled or chronically ill, while also embracing this disability identity that gives us so much solace and empowerment, but it's like, "Oh, if I'm disabled, then I should just be a person who rests and someone you know who is just meant to be sick." Like, what makes you have that drive to continue to be healthy and improve yourself?

John: The drive is wanting to continue to be a vibrant part of society. So the funny thing is, since I broke my neck, they found that I had colon cancer or pre-cancerous polyps that were removed that I probably wouldn't have had detected if I hadn't broken my neck.

Eda: Wow.

John: I've survived tonsil cancer, which I'm sure wouldn't have been detected if I hadn't broken my neck.I had my gallbladder removed. So there's a lot of things that have been detected as a result of me breaking my neck, which is kind of incongruous in a way, but I've survived those things because I've survived this. Without getting too spiritual, you know, I believe there's got to be a reason I'm sticking around.

The situation around my break was fairly extraordinary, and the fact that I am alive is also extraordinary, and it involved some people that made some pretty bad decisions. And it took me a while to realise I don't have to forgive them, but I need to let go the anger and resentment that I have toward them, because that's sitting with me, and I don't need that.

My nemesis, throughout my entire life was alcohol as well, and it was a contributing factor to my incident in 2018. You know, my drinking, for some reason, had become problematic just before my injury, so I wonder what I would be like if I hadn't broken my neck, in regard to me and alcohol. As you say, I may not be alive for a number of reasons. You never know what's around the corner. Nobody does. And unfortunately for me, this was but, you know, fortunately for me, something else wasn't.

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Eda: Aside from what's going on for you medically, what have been some of the positives of becoming disabled?

John: Positives of becoming disabled are realising for me what really makes me tick and makes me happy, and what I've been able to understand is through acting, I realised why I enjoyed it. I'm not suggesting now it's more important that I can do that, but back then and now, I can relieve myself of being John Landreth and escape into anything, you know, depending on what the role is. But the real joy is being able to shift people's emotion, being able to bring a smile to somebody or bring a tear to somebody's eye. For me, that's a very powerful ability that I do have.

The older I get, and this is not a new thought for a lot of people, I'm sure I realise, the less I need, and that was the case prior to my injury as well. So the less value I place on monetary wealth, the less value I place on material possessions, and the more value I place on connection, and you know that means real connection and hope and the joy I get from seeing laughter and tears and being with other people.

Eda: I feel like we're always trying to figure out, what is disability culture, and it's not going to be one simple answer from everybody, but I think the things that we always circle back to is this resistance to capitalism, resistance to productivity, and about community care and how we value ourselves and each other, as you know, John Landreth, Eda Tang on the inside. And those are just very universal. It's like, it doesn't need to just be something disabled people have to think about all the time. It should be for everyone. So I think there's such a beauty in disability culture and values. I think we’d be a better world for it.

John: I totally agree. Everybody is going through something at some stage of their life, and we don't know that. It's just obvious, more obvious to see our hardship, because clearly, I look different than somebody that's wandering around,, yeah.

I'm just moving through the world slightly differently than I did before, but I have the same heart I have the same humour. I have the same head. In a lot of respects, I've learned much more from this experience than I ever would or could have without having broken my neck in 2018. I'm stronger in many ways. I'm more aware in many ways. I'm more giving in many ways, yeah, and I'm more connected.

Eda: Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I certainly feel a connection and solace when I talk to you. So thanks for opening your heart to us, and it's been really lovely sharing this kōrero with you.

John: It's my absolute pleasure, Eda.

Eda: Kia ora.

John: Kia ora.