Mā tini mā mano, ka rapa te whai: Many hands make light work

This saying seems simple in theory; through sharing the workload with others, success will come quicker. But being raised under a Western culture that pushes hyper individualism as the path to success, we have become disconnected from the beauty of working as a community. I myself have fallen victim to the siren call of hyper individualistic rhetoric. I believe a lot of that was due to my own internalised ableism, which was a result of growing up in an ableist society that pushes the idea of the “self made individual”.

The “self made individual” is a prospect we hear about often, the “self made” business owner, the “self made” pop star, the “self made” billionaire. We hear so little about the teams of people behind the “self made” success stories, and that is by design. Under a colonised state driven by capitalism, we are encouraged to form our own identity through separating ourselves from those around us. This enables us to see others as our competition instead of our community, resulting in an apathetic nature towards our fellow human beings; which for many has manifested in an abhorrence towards people living with disabilities.  

One of the most difficult things about coming to terms with my own disabilities was the inherent shame I felt towards needing assistance in areas of my life that seem easy for others. This was a side effect of having the “self made success” stories shoved in my face. I started to romanticise the notion so much that I began to actively reject help from others, feeling ashamed and even resenting myself that I secretly desired their assistance. Through doing so, I was not only endangering my health; I was also denying myself the beauty of community.  

Living under a system that thrives on the division of community, I believe that living in alignment with the saying ‘mā tini mā mano, ka rapa te whai’ is actually a revolutionary act. The more we foster a sense of achievement through shared collective work, the less we depend on the capitalist notion of tearing others down in order to achieve our own goals.  

Since moving to Te Whanganui-a-Tara in 2022, I have felt a strong sense of community oozing from this city's mana. I believe the smaller size of this city makes it easier to cultivate a sense of community, which has greatly benefited me as a person living with disabilities. There have been many moments where I have had to swallow my pride and ask for help from the people around me. Something as simple as calling up a friend to say “I haven’t had the spoons to cook for myself, would you mind coming over to make me some dinner?” or “I have an article due this week and I am struggling to focus, can you come over and body double me while I finish writing?” has been life changing. 

Heck, I even asked my next door neighbour the other night to borrow their phone charger because mine stopped working. My phone was dead and I was panicking because I was unable to contact my friends to borrow a charger. Then I remembered I have neighbours. They may not be a part of my inner circle, but because we coexist in the same area, they are my community. They handed me a charger and said “you can keep it, we have plenty here.” It was a small gesture, but it saved me from a lot of unnecessary stress. Sometimes, there are problems you can resolve on your own. And sometimes, there are problems in which you need help from those around you. Mā tini mā mano, ka rapa te whai. 

This doesn’t just apply to people living with disabilities, I think it’s unrealistic for anyone to try and navigate life completely on their own. I’m not saying that people can’t find contentment within one's own company, being neurodivergent I require solitude in order to recharge my social battery. But life comes with challenges for everyone, and many of those challenges can only be overcome through relying on others. And as we farewell Matariki, I am grateful for my community, and am inspired to continue working in collaboration with others.

It’s not shameful to ask for help. It doesn’t make you “less than” and it certainly does not take away from your success and achievements. It simply means you had the blessing of being surrounded by people who care about you whilst working towards your goal, and isn’t that a beautiful thing?

Many hands make light work, indeed.

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