The online gaming room no one asked for (but we definitely need)

Sometimes, you can feel the jump scare coming. 

The darkness is closing in. The orchestral score gets louder. The protagonist creeps towards the end of the corridor. And then, right on cue –  BANG – your hands are in the air, the monster is attacking your face, and your controller is on the floor.

And then there are times - more frequent and more embarrassing - when the jump scare comes without warning. You’re playing Horizon Zero Dawn, admiring the dappled light of the 4K forest when out of nowhere launches an armoured Sawtooth, sending you reeling into a brick wall. Or perhaps you’re engrossed in a Spider Man cut-scene, delighting in a sweet moment between Peter Parker and MJ, feeling like maybe this game isn’t so intense after all, when – wham – Dr. Otto bursts through the door, and the next thing you know your controller is between your legs, you’ve pushed all the buttons at once and you’re back staring at the PS5 home screen, unsure of how you got there. 

I’ll tell you how we got there, friends. Cerebral palsy is how we got there. 

Gamers with CP are all too familiar with our startle reflex. For those unacquainted, it’s one of the more hilarious and excruciating parts of living with certain types of CP, where even the slightest sudden noise or movement will see us leaping out of wheelchairs and falling off couches. It’s also the thing that stops us living out our dream of being professional e-sporters, by making us wary of playing AAA titles with even a hint of adrenaline-pumping action. It’s the thing that makes us scour YouTube reviews before buying a game, to check how likely it is that our gameplay experience will be interrupted by loud and unexpected sounds, sending our nervous system into meltdown. 

It’s also the thing that makes online gaming a complete non-starter for many of us. How do you tell your prospective Call of Duty buddies to please keep the bullet noise to a minimum? Or perhaps, if they don’t mind, you’d prefer no one lob a grenade close by? And don’t even start on the Zombie mode. Those are not conversations that any self-respecting Call of Duty regular would be open to having. But CP gamers might. 

Fortnite, with hundreds of millions of monthly users, is the de facto hangout spot for many of today’s kids. But in order to drop down into tilted towers and survive more than five seconds, you need to have decent reflexes, a deft touch of a thumb-stick, and slick verbal communication for all of that critical trash-talk. Those of us with CP will be lucky to tick one of those boxes, let alone all three, rendering the possibility of ever gaining a Victory Royale slim to none.

But it needn't be this way! People with CP could, with one simple act of radical generosity from game developers, be welcomed into the world of online gaming, startle reflexes and all. I present this idea free for anyone (honestly, someone, please) to pick up and make it happen:

CPOG: CP Online Gaming! You’re welcome. 

Imagine a world of chaotic shoot ‘em ups, where right sticks operated by spastic thumbs see aiming reticles fly haplessly across the screen, aiming at heads, body, the ground and random NPCs with equally reckless abandon. The joy of knowing you have the standard CP reflex time of between nine and 16 seconds to aim your shot, because don’t worry, the other player won’t be any faster. 

Let’s manifest online gaming experiences where death by monster is a collective experience: where a group of CP gamers take 14 attempts to vanquish a particularly loud and erratic foe, because the first 13 times resulted in dropped controllers, headsets shaken off by a particularly strong startle reflex and accidental logouts caused by unintended button presses.

This may not sound like everyone’s expression of disability joy, but friends, it is mine. The promise of online gaming is tantalising: shared experiences of teamwork, cooperative play, and the satisfying feeling of winning a tournament together without anyone feeling like they were being carried (we don’t need any more vectors for burden complex, please). 

But until such time as those experiences can be designed and co-created by people with cerebral palsy, I’ll stick to single-player cosy games with nary a risk of a jump scare. For now, to all my aspiring e-sporters living with CP, you’re welcome to visit my island on Animal Crossing any time.

Do you have suggestions for startle-reflex friendly games? We’re compiling a list of cozy games that you can play without worrying about jump scares or uninvited monsters. Email us your suggestions and we’ll publish them soon!

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