Real Talk with Naomi and Niah

I’ve always believed that some friendships are more than just friendships, they’re soul ties. Real Talk with Naomi and Niah is a podcast conversation that unpacks one of most meaningful relationships in my life. People always see me and Niah together and ask about our vibe, our jokes and our closeness, so I thought: why not just show them the real us? Not just what they see in public, but what it took for us to get here.

From awkward first impressions and one-sided vibes to becoming a power duo, this podcast is a glimpse into how we’ve held each other through life’s messiest and most beautiful moments. It’s the kind of friendship where you can cry ugly, say the hard things, be your full self and still be loved the same.

We’ve been navigating a world that wasn’t built for us as Pacific, disabled, loud, soft and everything in between, yet somehow we made the world see us. This isn’t just about me and Niah. It’s about the kind of friendship that heals you, humbles you and reminds you you’re not alone.

Listen to the podcast interview between Naomi Vailima and Niah, or read the transcript below.

Naomi: Talofa lava. Welcome to our first mini little series that we have going on. Decided to start a little podcast series called Real Talk with Naomi and Niah. We’re just going to open up and kind of talk about a little bit about ourselves and kind of how our friendship started. So, I think just to start us off, we can just introduce ourselves, talk a little bit about who we are, and then jump straight into it. So, talofa lava, my name is Naomi. Samoan, 26 years old, born and raised in South Auckland. I am the youngest of four kids. My parents hail from the villages of Samata and Gautavai in Samoa. How about you? Who are you?

Niah: Hi, everybody. Oh, just you in this room. My name is Lavinia, but you can call me Niah. I am Samoan, Tongan. My mum's Samoan. My dad is Tongan. I am from East Auckland. Born and raised and... Born and raised and... I stopped in the raise. Nah... I was born and raised in GI. I went to mainstream school, and so it wasn't until later on in life that I started becoming more stronger in the disability sector. So really, I'm a boring person. I don't do anything outside of work that's unusual or, like, fascinating. I think we go to the movies together and, like, go theaters together, but that's it. I'm a boring. I'm a boring, boring person. If it's not movies then it's kind of eating out. Yeah, but, yeah, we're both boring don’t worry... My social media stories are fraud. Fraudulent. Like I'm not fun. I'm not fun at all. I'm just a really cool person behind the camera.

Naomi: Yeah. And, I think the reason why I kind of wanted to start this kind of, like, little podcast, I feel like as a duo a lot of people know of our friendship, but I don't feel like they kind of know that- that- I don’t- Sorry, I don't feel like they kind of understand the depth of our of how our friendship is like. So I kind of just wanted to create this little platform to kind of give a glimpse of how we actually are behind closed doors, without having to be who we are when we're working, if that makes sense, although there's not really much difference anyways. But yeah, and I kind of just wanted to be a little bit selfish and kind of flex, like, how we are as a duo. Which brings me to my first question, which I'm actually really excited about. What were our first impressions of each other?

Niah: Oh, man. Like you really had me with this question, aye. You really wanted... 

Naomi: It's got to be one of my favorite questions. Yeah, I'm getting straight into it ‘cause that's how it goes.

Niah: That was sad. So I actually didn't like you at first.

Naomi: I know. I know.

Niah: But we’ve addressed this.This is like a lot of, like, years of friendship for us to be comfortable enough to, like, say that. I honestly, because of, if I'm being honest, I think it was your age, like, you were 12 and I was 16 at the time. And so, to me, I was just like, you're just... you're just a little moeps. You know, like. And so I, we were the only girls at Phab Pasifika at that time. And cracked me up, you were hanging out with all the boys that were there, and we were the only girls at the time. And I'm not gonna lie, I was jealous of, like, what.. Ten years ago me would not admit that I was jealous. I would be like, “They’re my friends, where did you come from?” Legit. You belonged in that space more than I did. But then ten years later, I'm just like, that's a pretty dumb move.

Naomi: That was dumb, yeah. 

Niah: I know that. Sorry. But, I think one thing that I remind you of that time is that one word that you used to call me, it's sistra, like every time that I keep calling you sistra now, you crack up… 

Naomi: I hate it. I actually hate it. And I don't know where that word came from, but it just came, okay?

Niah: Do you realise that when you said sistra like you're a different person?

Naomi: Yeah. Yeah, a hundred percent. 

Niah: So that was when we weren't really...

Naomi: Yeah, I know. But I think at that time in my head, like, we were friends, but I remember the very first interaction that we had, it was my first time ever at Phab and there were, like, a lot of people around, and you came up to me and you were introducing yourself, and it was just like, you were really welcoming. So that whole, like, you didn't like me was very one-sided. I just want to put it out there. I honestly, I remember it clear as day. You came up to me, you introduced yourself, and you asked me what my name was, and you asked me, like, how I was liking Phab. And just from that, like, two, three minute conversation. You're really cool. I found you, like, a really nice person to actually get out of your way and come up to me and introduce yourself, and that was the first time I went to Phab. And then I stopped coming for a little while. Then I came back, and then that's how I knew about Phusion. 

Niah: I just rolled my eyes for a little bit. 

Naomi: I know, but that's that was my point of the... of our first impression was like, you're actually really dope. You were cool. You were chill. You just had this, like, bubbly personality that I found really, really cool. And then fast forward Phusion... How I... Because you left for a bit. Yeah. You left for a bit, and then I was the only girl there, which I didn't mind at that time, but I needed another girl mate, so I kind of forced you to come back. I asked you to come back. I didn't force you, but I did. I did push you to come back. And then you came back, and then Phusion started properly. 

Niah: But I must admit, like, I think I loved you a little more that year when you reached out. Like we were still... Like I kept you at arm's length. Like we were friends, but not like friends, friends. Yeah, yeah. Like you were just someone that I say hi and bye to,checked up on every now and then. Right. But you know that moment. I don't know if you remember, but that year I was going through a really bad breakup. That was one of my longest relationships ever. And we weren't close at that time. Keep in mind, like I had, I was in a friendship that was a triangle. And so I was stuck in that triangle. And so that triangle was not negative, but they were telling me that my relationship wasn't good for me. But I didn't want a friend that told me that my relationship was good for me. So I rang you. I rang you, and I was like, “I know you don't know me that much, but I'm sad and I'm gonna cry,” and you let me cry. I don't know if you remember.

Naomi: I remember that. 

Niah: You were like, “What the hell? But okay.” But you let me cry. From then on, I respected you more. Yeah, I think it became a me and you show from then on. And I think that's why we created that 20/80...

Naomi: But at that time, we didn't realise it. Can we explain what the 20/80 system is here?

Niah: So when Naomi’s feeling 20%, That's my job as the other part of our duo to be the 80%. And when I'm feeling 20%, it's Naomi's job to be 80%. We can't be lower than anyone else. And so, when someone else tries to fill in that 20, 80%, it won't work because they try and match one of our, like, energies, you know what I mean? I think and they end up becoming more sadder than us. And that's sad. 

Naomi: But that kind of brings me to my next question. What surprised you when we became friends? What was the surprise?

Niah: Naomi had this face like - she like, as a young kid, like she loved people, but you don't know whether she enjoyed people because her face was just so hard to impress. Like, she was a person that you couldn't figure out what she was thinking, but eventually she enjoyed every single, like, experience. And so, one of those moments where I actually doubted Naomi is she planned a drink up for my birthday - not my birthday, for a Halloween party. The first time when Phusion bonded after me and Naomi were leading it. Our first ever celebration was a Halloween party, and Naomi actually rounded everyone up to my house, got my mum to set up everything, and she showed up. Everyone showed up to the party. Except for me. I didn’t even - No, I did show up to the party, but I only got notified of that party the day of.

Naomi: Yeah, yeah. So here's the thing. It started off as a joke. Generally, I don't know how that came about, but I made a joke to your mum that we were going to come over and have a party. I didn't think she was going to take it serious and actually do a whole set up. But I made a joke to everyone, “Let’s go Niah’s after this and have a little party.” But little did I also know we were actually making plans, as everyone was tidying up. So I think I... Because I didn't have a ride I trained all the way to your house from Pap to GI.

Niah: Long way too.

Naomi: We did. I was with Josh and Shannon. So we trained to Pap... I mean, we trained from Pap to GI. We got off and you know where that, where KFC is?

Niah: Yeah.

Naomi: So we’re meant to go right when we crossed the road. Josh led the way to the left. So we literally went the longest way. And he admitted that he didn't know where he was going. So I didn't know how. I think we had to call you for you to guide us to your house, but it would have taken us like ten minutes to get there, but it actually took like 20 minutes for us. But we made it.

Niah: Yeah. That time in our friendship, you surprised me with how confident you became because you went from someone quiet in the corner to, like, organising parties on the weekend.

Naomi: But it was a joke, okay. ..

Niah: That Samoan word fa’aso’o.

Niah: Yeah, okay.

Naomi: It was a joke, but it turned—

Niah: You know what?

Naomi: It turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

Niah: Okay.

Naomi: Because it was back to back to back.

Niah: It really was. ...back to back bonding.

Naomi: Yeah, it really, really was. And I think that is what surprised me in our friendship. I think for me, it was the first time that I stayed over at yours. I think everyone had left and it was just me and you because I didn't have a ride back home, so I had no choice. But I stayed and we talked, like literally all night until, like, 5 o’clock in the morning. But it was also my first time, like, having an actual friend that I could actually be vulnerable to. Although like it was... It was weird for me because not gonna lie, when we first became friends, you are someone that likes talking about feelings. You're very affectionate in your words. Yeah, no shit. Honestly, you have honestly challenged me in those ways because that's the opposite of me. I'm so uncomfortable with talking about my feelings and what's going on with me, but for some bloody weird reason, you just had this way of like, asking the questions, and a lot of people feel awkward asking questions like that. But I think for me, I appreciated people asking as long as they don't feel awkward about it, even though the question itself was awkward. Like, I just appreciate the fact that someone actually had the balls to actually ask those questions. But, that also brings me to my next question. When did you realise this friendship was different?

Naomi: I don't know if you remember. Like there’s so many memories that I always bring up to you. Like, was such a - like was so honest with, like, our feelings and stuff. I feel like, the time that really meant a lot to me was when my dad died.

Niah: Oh, my god, I’m gonna cry.

Naomi: That's okay. 

Niah: But I don't think anyone realises that as soon as my dad died, I got given three days to just kind of get over it and then go back to work. Not because I was forced to go back to work, but because I was the breadwinner of my house. Meaning, like I'm the one that gets the money to make bills meet and stuff. And so you, during that time validated my sadness for my dad. No one else really took that in. You know me, I'm a private person. 

Naomi:Yeah.

Niah: As much as I'm a public person, there’s still 80% of people... like my life, people don't know. And it's my dad dying on my birthday. You literally carried me for a whole month. I think I didn't regulate myself till September that year. But even then, like, that was the worst year of my life. Because, like, you carried me from when I got kicked out, from when my dad died and then, then I had a third incident, you know, but, that whole year you carried me. You know what I mean? That's a strength of ten people. I don't know how you did it, but if it wasn't for you carrying me that one year, I don't think I would have made it. So that's why it stuns me when you always go to me, like, “Why do you thank me for?” And I'm like, you don't realise how much you saved me during that point. You're so cocky about it to other people that you're like, “Nah I had her. Nah, nah, where were you?” No actuals, where were they? That's what I love about you now, is that you, you know what you've done for me. And you know how much this friendship means to me. Because you're like, nah, nah, all these new voices that I have now, you're like, “Where were they then?” Like, you remind me of that. I am not soft, guys.

Naomi: Do you need a breather?

Niah: No, I'm healed now. It was just that moment in time where I needed more people around me. And it literally was only one person that took.

Naomi: I think for me, at that time, when you were going through all of that in one year I didn't see it as it should be ten people, like you said, being there for you. If anything, I think for me, it was seeing how... It was when you told me you were going back to work. That was when I knew that things really weren’t okay. It wasn't already okay in the beginning, but it was the fact that you're going to work so soon and that you were putting on this persona that you're over your dad's death and you've healed and you’ve grieved. Because that was not... It was literally not even a week and you went back and I felt like… I didn't feel like... I was seeing everyone around you just getting on with their lives. And something about that was like, nah, fuck that. Like she's not okay. Why is no one checking in on her? Why is no one annoying her? And I know that you're someone who also likes your own space, but for me, being your friend at that time, I kind of didn't give a fuck about having you leaving you in your own space...

Niah: You were so stubborn.

Naomi: I don't know why, I think I just... It was me. A part of it was me being selfish because I really liked your company. But then the other part of me was like, “She needs someone. So if no one else is going to be there, I will be there.” That was literally how it started. And I think ever since then I just started annoying you. There wasn't a week that went by that I wasn't at your house from that point on, and it was just a matter of just being a friend, letting you be ugly and being okay with it - because a lot of people aren't okay. I don't feel like... There's friends out there that don't know how to handle their friend being able to just be vulnerable and let them be that way without having to fix it. Because a lot of the times you don't need to be fixed, you just need to let it out. Just cry and then... It's really that simple but people overthink it.

Niah: When did you think we were different?

Naomi: Honestly, it really was when I started coming over to your house. Because my life, honestly, before Phab or before any of what we do now… It consisted of home, school and church. That was literally my life. And then I had no social life then. So I wasn’t really good at making friends. I wasn’t good at, like, talking to people or holding conversations. But I think it was when we started becoming friends and how I kept coming over to yours, there was a shift - and your family taking me in as their own. That was when I realised, like, this friendship actually means a lot. If anything, I think you were the one that kind of taught me life. And I can’t, like, say that I did it on my own because it wasn’t.

Niah: It was literally when I found friends that I call, like, lifelong friends now. But I think you in particular, you kind of taught me about emotions. You kind of taught me about how to deal with things and how to approach certain situations and just like have an open mind and an outlook on things. What?

Niah: That was so hard to teach you. 

Naomi: Talk about it, then. 

Niah: Because you’re so fixed-minded. I am. You are so bloody stubborn, like no one can ever change your mind but me. And the reason for me… Was that a lot of pressure on you?

Naomi: No, I like it. You know me, I like challenges; but like, bloody hell, you make it like… It shouldn’t be a challenge but, you know what I mean? But you - you’re not as challenging now. A lot has happened for us to get to this point.

Niah: So just to close off, I want to thank you for, I don’t know, sharing this space with me, but thank you for joining me. And I hope that kind of gave people a little glimpse of what we’re like.